October 13, 2013

Check - OUT Lines in Suburbia : Green Acres Gone Gay Continues

Safeway is always cold, I usually wear a hoodie when food shopping there - even in the summertime. I'm use to it and not complaining for a change. Better that it's cold and keeping the produce fresh, right? Anyway, while on the check-out line I start making small talk with the checker telling him that my hands were freezing and so he said "give me your hands". I'm thinking WTF, but extend my hands anyway. He cups my hands and starts massaging them to warm them up... and for quite a long time! Is this typical behavior? I'm a little surprised considering there's a long line behind me and I could feel the people curse me for getting a hand job from the checker - I mean hand massage. He then took his time scanning all of my coupons. And yes I use coupons... I always have. I am NOT a closet coupon cutter, but what's with the closet checker? Or did I just help him OUT on the check-OUT line, get it?

Fast forward, a few weeks later to another checker, this time at the drugstore. He looks at my face and then comments on the facial products I'm buying. He said "if those products can make me look as handsome as you, I'm going to buy them too"! OMG, I didn't even do my famous triple check in the mirror before leaving the house. I thought I looked like shit! What is it with me and the check-OUT lines? 

"Oops... I did it again". Last week, I made a comment at another store when I couldn't pull my wallet out of my pants quick enough to pay the bill. I told the checker that "my thing was a little too big". I quickly explained I was referring to my wallet and he said "I bet that's what you say to all the guys" (wink, wink). Really? So this checker assumes that I'm Gay AND a have a big package!!! Well I guess we both had stories to tell over the dinner table that night.

Perhaps my concept of Green Acres Gone Gay, aka GAGG (not to be confused with GAGA) confirms that I'm not the only one in Suburbia. I must be a trend setter, but "Baby I Was Born This Way". All I can do is laugh about these situations and think that maybe being Gay and OUT in Suburbia has become the norm or at least on my check-OUT lines.

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