March 20, 2013

suburbia 2 nyc & back again

Looking out the airplane window staring into the blackness of the sky, I start to get very anxious. The feeling is what I feel every day back in Suburbia... the anxiety, the  isolation, the constant unknownOMG I don't hear any show tunes in this entry - not a good sign for me! 

After many delays due to the weather & the airline (no names mentioned) we are on the plane returning to where we live. I feel like a child having to go to a dentist appointment. I do not want to return to Suburbia. There doesn't seem like there's anything there for me... especially now that my mother has died. I'm now ready to move on with my life & back home to NYC - friends, family & familiar places. I wanna leave the "early to bed & early to rise" car society of Suburbia behind me.

This trip back to NYC was unlike any other we've experienced. We had a long time to enjoy everything we love about the city & yet we weren't feeling up to it, WTF? It was a trip to bring Mama's ashes back home & to bury her. We promised to give her a tour of her city & visit some of the places that were special. We brought her urn on a final tour to the apartment where she was born & all the places she lived... even the nursing home. Then there were some of her favorite spots - Times Square, Hudson River Park, her manicure shop & her favorite diner. We enjoyed taking her on her tour, bringing her urn that we decorated (check out the photo) going from place to place, but it was emotionally exhausting for us. The following day, Douglass & I just collapsed & stayed inside. Once again we had given all our attention & energy to Mama, WTF? It was the last time we could do this, so that's what we did! That evening we ordered Chinese take-out (very NYC) as we stared out the window of our friends apartment overlooking the city that's so full of life.

Fast forward a few weeks & we're returning back to Suburbia. As the plane begins to touch down I feel a familiar knot in my stomach. I've a feeling we're not in the Emerald City anymore.

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