December 31, 2013

Reflections ... 2013

Whatta year it's been, phew! It's been filled with highs and lows and that's what is so great about life... ya never know.


Whenever I hear anyone utter the phrase "next year has got to be better than this year" or "this year really was terrible, can't wait for next year" I'd like to say - "shut up and thank God you're alive"! You can't have good without some bad just like Liza sang in "But The World Goes 'Round". How can anyone expect that everything always has to be wonderful? I mean I do, but I ain't no Pollyanna or Mary Sunshine, believe me! I'm a complainer and the first one to say the year was less than perfect, but that would also dismiss all the good things that happened.



2013 started off with Mama dying - that was the worst and most difficult part of the entire year. I've had other shitty things happen to me this year too, but why dwell on that? "That's Life" just like Sinatra sang because many good things happened too. I received an award for my work in Alzheimer's and LGBT Awareness in the community. A play I cowrote was accepted and performed at The Fringe Festival with great emotional response. I was able to bounce back and forth from NYC 2 Suburbia helping to keep my sanity. I was also lucky enough to be in the West Village during the historic DOMA ruling and experience the overwhelming sense of pride when Edith Windsor gave her speech to the crowd. I had many good things happen to me, but I don't wanna toot my own horn too much... okay, maybe just a little. I saw a lot of great theatre and have continued to focus on my writing and photography. I've been diving deeper into social media and "All That Jazz". (Okay hadda throw in another show song title). Oh and lest I forget, I managed to survive the Holidaze!




So here's to Mama (who never complained about her bad years and she had many) and "Here's to Life".  After all, the future is full of hope... and I'm looking forward to 2014. Another opportunity to live a colorful, eventful and fulfilling year. I'm gonna keep my reflections of 2013 positive. And as far as the New Years resolutions game goes... gimme a break, will ya?


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December 19, 2013

A Christmas Dream or Nightmare? Ho, Ho, Ho

Ho, Ho, Ho... the mere phrase gets me anxious. What if all your past, present and future Christmases were all rolled into one? Imagine the classic "A Christmas Carol" with a different twist! They'd all mesh together changing gears at any moment. You wouldn't know what, where or who you were suppose to be. You're in a dreamlike state with heightened overtones that could turn into a nightmare. Did Christmas already happen, is it happening now, will it be happening soon? Will it start over again and again like in "Groundhog Day"? Only with very slow movements and distorted sounds - almost like being under water. But I don't swim. Oh no it's starting - tick, tock, tick tock. The dream begins...


My heart races just thinking about Christmas. Anxiety, worry, anticipation, check lists, family, obligations, shopping, gifts, overeating, commercials, stressful, frenetic, frustrating, nonstop, black friday, cyber monday, returns, bills, happy, sad. Stop the insanity please!


I keep layering my anxiety by adding people I don't want to be with or can't relate to. Annoying strangers enter the party as the crowd thickens and I start to loose my composure and my breath. I have trouble breathing now and become off balanced and dizzy. 


The food has been demolished, there are no working bathrooms, the coats are nowhere to be found and there's another party where I am the guest of honor, but I'm late and look like hell. What do I do? Where do I go? I'm lost. Can anyone hear me? Are words coming out of my mouth? Can anyone help me? I try to focus on my breathing, my breathing, my breathing. All of a sudden the entire room begins to copy me and they are breathing wildly taking up all the oxygen. Why is this all happening to me on this special night? I just want this nightmare to end and start a fresh new day. But then the roof collapses and some of the guests get hit by the gigantic snowflake decorations, while others start to faint from hyperventilating. This is not a time to celebrate but they're all laughing! Where are the happy colors? Is this my vision of lollipops dancing in my head? We're all trapped and can't escape, but there has to be some hope, right? A downpour begins and there's a large hole in the main room where the water is quickly rising and becoming scary. Everyone appears catatonic or bored except for me as the christmas music gets louder and louder repeating endlessly.

I scream out for help and wake up terrified in my soaking wet pajamas. Where am I? Thank God it was only a nightmare and thank God it's December 26th. Enough with the Ho, Ho, Ho... at least for this year!


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