March 31, 2014

Not Gay Enough - WTF ?

I'm prescreened and ready to give an interview for an upcoming book about relationships. All types of relationships... hurray! The author is currently writing a book and wants to include a section from a Gay man's perspective since all types of relationships are being included. Wow, what a great opportunity to help break down a few Gay stereotypes. Maybe I'll even get a GLAAD Award?

The FRUIT Stand
The release form is signed and I'm ready. The time is set and all systems are go. The interview starts and seems to be going well, but after a few questions... I'm suddenly disqualified! We can't continue the interview. I can't be in the book, because once again I do not "fit in", I'm not what was expected. The need for a stereotype must be met. I'm not gonna sell books, you see I'm a monogamous Gay man. Big yawn, "we don't want that, we want a modern take on relationships". WTF? Are you kidding me? Modern? Oh, that's right, since "the Gays" are able to get legally married now, we're all  able to legally cheat just like "the Straights"? Is that the new way of saying I do, or is it simply saying I can't, I won't or I don't care enough to commit? I don't fit into this book about all types of relationships in today's world. They wanna hear about the stereotypical promiscuous Gay male in a relationship who has an erection all day stalking his next conquest. Or they'd prefer a "don't ask, don't tell" situation. Wow, how current and open minded, after all it is the 80's and AIDS and STD's haven't even entered the picture yet, right?

Okay, breathe... perhaps I should've just given the public what they want or need to hear to confirm that all Gays are not in committed relationships and are whores. Oops, did I say that? Oh well. After all, we are all just drag queens, leather daddies, bears or girlie boys - that's all you see from the press when they cover Gay Pride Parades anyway, so it must be true. And of course all Gays love Gaga, Madonna, Barbra or Judy - okay guilty on those last charges. I was surprised that another view of Gay life wouldn't be shown to the world. Well, I'm not a whore and I won't sell out. Personally I'm a little sick of the whole Gay trend "I wanna kid, I wanna adopt." What's the latest accessory we need?... oh that's right, a child! Besides, who else can teach kids about style, fashion and fabulousness? Just ask our straight girlfriends who always need us to take them shopping or do their hair. And remember we can do it all in between our workouts at the gym and trysts in the back rooms of those trendy after hours sex clubs.

Bitter not at all, surprised - yes! It's 2014 and this is the first time I've been told that I'm not Gay enough! We've come a long way, baby... but obviously some people still need the comfort of their stereotypes. The bottom line is that stereotypes still sell. Okay, Mary... gotta run, just made an appointment with my hot new trainer after my mani/pedi. Fabulous? You bet! Not Gay enough? You tell me...

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March 19, 2014

Get Happy

Happy... is it a state of mind or just a state? I almost forgot what it felt like to be happy. Wow, it's great and for me it's about being home. "My little town blues are melting away"... just like Liza sang in the song written for her (and not Sinatra) New York, New York. I have a certain air of confidence and familiarity with everyday things and I love it! It's been so long since I've been able to say that I'm happy and I love it, damn it! Okay,okay I gotta calm down now.

I like to complain (so this may come as a switch) but I didn't realize how much I missed NYC until recently. I was lucky enough to return for a big chunk of time developing the play about Dementia-Mama-Drama. I was so happy to be able to orchestrate two readings of  "Some of These Daze" back home. OMG, "if I can make it there..." Yeah, I know I know, shut up with your musical references already!

In NYC, I'm able to walk out on the streets anytime of day or night and not feel like a prisoner. The other night we were with good friends watching The Oscars in their bedroom. We were sipping martinis and having a picnic on their bed - no, no, no... not what you're thinking! Anyway, I had a glimpse of my old Suburban life - I saw wild life. Alright, maybe not wild life, but a mouse ran by me... not once, but twice as I went to refill our ice. The odd thing is that I didn't scream! In Suburbia, all I do is jump and overact to falling leaves, hooting owls, howling coyotes, lawn mowers growling at ungodly hours, deer passing by me on the way to the mailbox, that I've become jaded by a little mouse. Remember I'm the original Green Acres Gone Gay (GAGG).


Have you ever felt that you didn't want to return to your home when you're away? Have you ever felt like there's so little that you miss, that it doesn't matter? Not even your bed? Well, this happened to me and it's so freeing but it got me thinking. Okay, here's another song reference this time from Judy (Liza's mother, for the theatrically challenged) "Forget your troubles come on Get Happy..." I'm feeling happy being back home in NYC and I know that this is where I belong. I just gotta make sure my ruby slippers (okay my red high tops) never leave my feet while I'm back here in my land of Oz, because... "there's no place like home..." 

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