September 29, 2012

Bullied in the Burbs

Bullying is a very hot topic right now. There are many anti-bullying groups out there & I think that's great! However, I'm from NYC & I grew up learning how to deal with bullies - that's just how it was. Maybe it wasn't healthy, but I learned many coping skills & defense mechanisms to survive. I'm sure it screwed me up in many ways, but how many totally well adjusted people do you know?

This is not a "poor me" story, just the truth... my truth. I was bullied for many reasons over the years as I was growing up. I survived it THEN, it was just another painful part of growing up. I never even considered NOT surviving it. But being bullied NOW at my age is a whole different story.

I could not believe this happened to me out here in calm, perfect, beautiful Suburbia - but it did! As my husband & I were driving into the mall (okay, it IS Suburbia after all) a crazy hyped up young woman cut in front of our car, jammed on her breaks & yelled a bunch of hateful remarks. She was driving alongside us for awhile...

The Bully: "Why were you two guys staring at each other instead of the road? Or did you have to look at your disco ball & watch it shine?" (We have a disco ball hanging from our rear view mirror.) "That's what I HATE about people like you."

Me: "People like me? What are you saying?"

The Bully: "All you fags are the same. That's why I hate you all... with your disco balls & your fancy cars!" (BTW, we have a '99 Toyota - the disco ball is as fancy as it gets.)

Me: "Really? So you're telling me you hate ALL Gay people because WE are ALL the same, we LOOK at each other & we have a DISCO BALL? "

All the rage I held down since I was a child started to come out (unlike me who was always out.) I was NOT going to have someone else speak to me or my husband in this mean hateful way. I knew I should realize where this was coming from (a crazy person) & I should forgive & blah, blah, blah - more PC BS. But that ain't my style & it'll probably never be my style. PC is boring & bland... it lacks balls!

Me: "What the hell are you talking about you crazy bitch? I think you have a serious problem & you better get the f**k outta here NOW, before I call a police & report you. You AND your hateful, bigoted, small town attitude. I'll have your skinny crazy cracked out ass hauled down to the jail before you can even check your ugly face in a mirror which you obviously don't own. Who the f**k do you think you are? Are you for real?" 

Her response was that I had "nerdy shoes" & she sped off as I started to call the cops. (BTW, I have never had nerdy shoes, remember I'm Gay!)

I was shaking & could not believe this happened. I cried & all those childhood memories returned. Phewwww! I finally let it out (actually, I did hold back - believe it or not.) I was surprised I had so much anger built up. I guess it was all those years of being teased about my weight, about being Gay, about dressing differently, about not playing sports, about not having girlfriends, about being different. The list goes on, but that's life... you deal with it. 

Maybe NYC gets such a bad rap because most of us are just protecting our inner child & appear tough. Who knows, it's just a theory. But that's exactly what I did in my response to this bully. For me, a lot of my repressed feelings finally exploded outta my mouth while living here in Suburbia. In Suburbia, the one place I thought was suppose to be totally cool with anything, ya know "laid back, mellow" - it IS California after all. BS! Hate IS hate & can be found anywhere & at any age. Hate always hurts & leaves scars. Hate is never acceptable.

1 comment:

  1. You would think being in Marin County, which is known for being liberal and PC, you would not have such an experience. But it happens everywhere. I have a friend who is white and his wife is black, and in this day and age they still get crap. I understand getting upset, since you are under a lot of pressure, but please remember how much better you are than that bitter, angry woman. Also, that disco ball is awesome!