September 13, 2015

Moving On - My Suburbia , My NYC

There are many levels of letting go and I thought at this point that I went through most of them. But I realize that I'm the kind of person that holds onto "things" for way too long. Not only do I hold on to physical things (I still have my high school gym shorts and yes, I still fit into them), I hold on to my feelings (sometimes I can't let things go - I can forgive, but I never forget) and I hold on to my memories. I've talked about this with my therapist (big shocker) and thought maybe this could be connected to my mother's Alzheimer's and my fear of getting it.

I've been trying to reach another level of "letting go" as I continue to "move on", but it ain't easy. Since I've been relentlessly working to move back home to NYC, I've realized I can't bring back all of my stuff. My boxes, my "things" are filled with feelings and memories. The reality is that space in NYC is smaller and I need to let go. All this "stuff" is holding me back... WTF? I thought nothing can hold me back.

When I moved to Suburbia I brought all of my NYC stuff with me. Everything I had in storage, all of my things, all of my feelings, all of my memories, all of my expectations... all of what I thought was me! I didn't "let go". Maybe that's why it's been such a tough transition, I never let go. (Wow I've reached an Oprah "A-Ha" moment)!

For me, it's natural to hold on and to not let go. But hopefully I can pack my memories with me and move forward and let go keeping my NYC and my Suburbia. And maybe, just maybe I can leave some excess baggage behind and finally let go by just being me!

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  1. We are having a completely different experience moving, it seems. I like the purge and I like the feeling of a clean slate. On the other hand, my husband has saved even things like work papers, from as far back as 1985. But I understand the fear of Alzheimer's, for sure. You've wanted this for so long. Embrace it, friend.

  2. Thanks for sharing your experience Patricia. I'm definitely "embracing it" and learning a lot with the process. At times it feels like years of analysis crammed, compacted and condensed. I love al·lit·er·a·tion!