Where Do I Go?

I feel as if I don't fit in anywhere anymore... Suburbia OR NYC! Where do I go? A great poignant song from "Hair" the Musical (which I toured with in Europe) still rings true to me. Where do I go? I like it here in Suburbia... to a point, but I feel trapped & unable to get around. I get lost & cannot find my bearings. It's not funny, I get lost easily. I have a very poor sense of direction - I always have. I have gotten lost in malls, in restaurants looking for the bathroom, in parking lots... seriously! It just ain't right. I have panic attacks & a daily dose of anxiety that can immobilize me. Suburbia is a nice place to visit... but somehow it still ain't my home. Where do I go?

Whenever I return to NYC, I'm afraid that it may not live up to my expectations & constant yearning to move back, because to me... it IS Oz! Could it be I am becoming a closeted Suburbanite! WTF? Where do I go? I dunno. Will the sound of the early morning garbage & delivery trucks annoy me or the people walking a slew of dogs or the baby strollers that are overtaking NYC sidewalks? Where do I go? I dunno! I feel as if I almost don't "fit" or "belong" in either place anymore. I return to NYC as often as possible... for my sanity! (No comments please). It takes awhile to readjust when returning to Suburbia, but there is no readjustment period when returning to NYC... I'm alive, full of energy & I know where the hell I am going!

Some say you can never go back home. That infuriates me & makes me wanna do it all the more! But whaddya do? Where do you go? I ask myself this question daily... a lot! I dunno, ..."but I'm not staying in burlesque, I'm moving. Maybe up, maybe down..." (BTW, that's a line from "Gypsy") coz my life IS  a movie (at least in my mind). It's not always a "Cabaret" but it's not gonna be "Lady Sings the Blues".


I will continue to question things daily & hopefully one day make peace & know where it is that I'm going. To me, it may be just knowing that I can walk outside my apartment & go to a store at midnight to get some ice cream while actually seeing people on the street. Sounds yummy to me!


Thanks again for visiting my blog & please feel free to leave your comments.Whattya waitin' for? I'm looking forward to hearing from you soon. Please spread the word about my blog & "Follow" me already...

White Picket Clichés

The grass is always greener. 

Look a little closer, perhaps it's just astro turf... ya never know!

You don't know what you have till it's gone. 

...What if you never had it?

Things were so much easier when I was younger. 

Yeah, the abacus is much easier to use than calculators or computers. 

Thank God It's Friday! 

No, thank God it's just another day, dammit. You're alive! So stop bitching about Monday, Hump Day... EVERY day is a blessing.

Long story short. 

Do people that say this EVER make it short? What they're really saying is, this is gonna be a longwinded & boring story, but if I trick you into thinking its short, you may listen! 

I'm getting ready for Monday. 

Seriously, how long does it take to "get ready" & why start whining about it on Saturday night? Enjoy & be in the moment. Look on the "bright side"... you could die before Monday morning!

Another day, another dollar. 

WTF? You could make a dollar just by cashing in some of those bottles of soda & beer you've been drinking! Just recycle!

Same shit, different day. 

I don't know about you, but my shit is different most days. The consistency (no pun intended) is that I must be "regular"! TMI... but I hadda go there.

Last, but not least. 

What does that mean? Is it EVER last? Maybe when presenting an award at an award show, but other than that... really?

I could go on with the list of clichés, but why bother? Enough people already do it on a daily basis, sometimes I do join in, usually not. I'd prefer to be surrounded by positive, creative people who question the way things are & think independently, not live by clichés.

 

The grass may be greener in Suburbia, but personally I am not an outdoorsy kinda guy. I don't like all the animals & creatures that are part of the package deal. Long story short, I am not gonna make excuses for who or what I am. Last but not least, I've come to the point in my life that I know what I like & know my priorities. So if at first you don't succeed... perhaps it's just time to try something new or move on. Try it, you'll like it - well  I've tried many things over the years & I learned a lot by trying them, but that doesn't mean I always liked them. You don't know what you have till it's gone, maybe because youth is wasted on the young. But, I can always be comforted in knowing that there's no place like home. Okay, it's time to move on from all these clichés. Besides, I'm getting ready for Monday... Thank God It's Friday! Oh, no it's NOT Friday, it's only Hump Day! arghhhhhhhhh. But tomorrow is Thanksgiving & I can already hear another round of clichés about to begin. 

Thanks again for visiting my blog & please feel free to leave your comments.Whattya waitin' for? I'm looking forward to hearing from you soon. Please spread the word about my blog & "Follow" me already... 

Just a Piece of Paper... or Is It?

Yes, a piece of paper can make a difference... in many different ways.

Didn't think it was possible, but my husband & I are more in love today because of a piece of paper. That piece of paper that "validated" our marriage, it made a difference. We never thought it would or that it could or that it even mattered, but it does. Odd that after being together for 17 years, who wouldda thought that a piece of paper could matter so much - it does! And just by signing a piece of paper, Gay Marriage became legal... in some places.

Receiving a card (just a piece of paper too) in the mail does make a difference. If you are celebrating a milestone, like a wedding or a birthday... it can make a world of difference. If you are old or alone & don't have many friends or family... a card, "a piece of paper" can bring a little joy or a smile to a face.

A piece of paper that you threw out that didn't make the garbage pail but hit the ground & blew away. Oh well, it's "just a piece of paper". Perhaps the pile of papers that you didn't recycle, but just threw in with the "regular" trash. Or what about that piece of paper that you threw out your car window? What you do with that piece of paper does make a difference. 

In many forms, literally... paper can make a difference, & that difference lies within each one of us. So if you hear a conversation about the legal rights of Gay Marriage & the "piece of paper" that comes with it, know that it DOES make a difference. Know that you CAN make a difference by mailing a card to someone that needs to be remembered & perhaps make their day. And finally know that you DO make a difference with that piece of paper that you just threw in the recycling bin.

So the next time you see a piece of paper... think of the possibilities, it ain't just a piece of paper.

Thanks again for visiting my blog & please feel free to leave your comments.Whattya waitin' for? I'm looking forward to hearing from you soon. Please spread the word about my blog & "Follow" me already... 

Breakdown/Breakthru/Breakout : Mini Makeover for me & My Blog

I think I had an epiphany or something like that. Ok, ok... I had an idea!

I always think people should reevaluate their lives & their looks. To rethink their lives & the same look they've had for years without questioning it. Keeping the same style of clothing, same hairstyle, same glasses, same makeup, same attitude. We as people are constantly changing (hopefully) & need to express that by not getting stuck in a comfortable rut! Most people are afraid of change & don't question things after awhile. I'm guilty of always changing & questioning everything - the complete opposite! I fear not being aware of what is currently going on in the world & being "outta touch" with modern civilization.

In previous blogs, I was "thinking" too much before just writing in my blog & trying to write what people may have expected, since my blog is called "NYC2Suburbia". Then I realized, what the hell am I doing? I have to be more of myself & the creative outspoken person that I am. I have to write about whatever is going on with me (within reason) & share it with you all. After all, THAT is what I do in my everyday life, as those of you who know me. Also I tend to "think outside the box" & as a result may have scattered thoughts. Hopefully they'll make sense to you. If not, skip over that thought until the next thought... that's what I've been doing for my entire life - especially when reading!!! I tend to lose focus with so many thoughts & my lack of attention (sounds like a therapy session now).

My first change has been the format of my blog & I'll continue to play with it till it feels right. I am a very visual person as you may know & I constantly change my style, so why not my blog? It is an extension of me, right? Right! So glad you agree. I will still complain about how I dislike Suburbia & how I love NYC, not New York... but New York City. They are entirely different and if I gotta explain that to ya, well then you've never lived in NYC!!! I am trying to adapt & adjust to Suburbia with somewhat of an "open mind", it is challenging for me, but I am trying to reevaluate our current situation. 

I will also be writing about things as they happen to me & not worry so much about the "perfect story". I realize there is no perfect story & if it's that interesting - like meeting a celebrity, getting married or moving, I can always add to it! What a novel idea? My words are not gonna be carved in perfect stone with the perfect typeface or perfect color! Some days I feel like crap & will wanna complain. Other days I may wanna share something wonderful & new I just discovered, so please join me for my journey. It may be a "bumpy ride", but that's life, baby! As of now I don't have a thousand followers YET, but when I do, they will be following me because they love my honesty & humor, & maybe even my bumpy ride or the color of my typeface!?! "Ya never know!" as Sally Bowles said in "Cabaret".


So if you are not "following" my blog yet & just check in occasionally... WHAT THE HELL are ya waiting for & why just be a VOYEUR? I know it can be fun sometimes, but ya gotta commit to this ride I'm on. Nothing lasts forever... you can always unfollow. Spread the word, talk about it, complain about it, but leave a comment! You can always comment anonymously but please comment, I LOVE feedback! Ya don't have to just say I love the story, I love the artwork, I wanna know what you think. I truly believe honesty is the only way to go, so if you love it, that's terrific, but all I want are your honest comments.


I know that I've done things to get approval or attention in my life & still do! But, I have started to realize that I need to do things for myself, not others. Its like in "The Wizard of Oz" when Dorothy realized she never had to go any further than her own backyard for happiness cause if its not there, you never really had it to begin with. Well, that's a bit heavy AND true! As many of you know I've been "clicking my heels" since moving to Suburbia & I now know that this doesn't have to be a life sentence, but merely a step to the next place I'm going. It may be NYC (I hope & pray) or it may be over the rainbow to somewhere even better than I have EVER been before. But as Scarlett said in "Gone with the Wind"... "I'll think about that tomorrow". It usually keeps the readers coming back for more anyway. Until then, enjoy the "new" me & my breakthrough!

Groomzillas vs. The Wedding Monster

I was planning on giving the full wedding report in this blog entry, but I've put too much pressure on myself & realized I have turned into a Gay Groomzilla & still have not returned to my normal self yet! So I will give a detailed report on my next entry, I promise... if only to share the experiences of what we went through getting ready for our marriage. The drama, the laughs, the detours, the fun, the sweat, the surprises, the horors, the crunch - all of it!

Don't give up on me, it was a lot to digest getting married after being together for 17 years & trying to plan it from across the country made it even more challenging! That plus being back home (in NYC) is always an emotional experience for me. In NYC, I am constantly being surrounded by life, energy & friends (all of which I adore), but this time I was super sensitive because of our pending wedding. Enter the Gay Groomzillas, still not sure who was worse (or better, depending on your point of view)!!!

Now some of you have asked when is the California party gonna take place, because originally our plan was to have another celebration out here also. In a "nutshell" it ain't gonna happen, but that's a whole 'nother story that we won't get into now. Our party was in NYC & it rocked, anything else would be a bad imitation & just pale in comparison. We're not the kind of people to sit around a table with place cards & not mingle or dance.  

Returning to Suburbia emotionally drains me, it takes me awhile to "re-adjust". I just get real down & move at a slower pace & continue to compare both places feeling caught in the middle. Once I'm back in Suburbia, I start planning my next return visit to NYC... & this is before we unpack & do laundry! This is my story, so I just want ya to know that I'm still trying to survive Suburbia with my Sanity, $ense & Style. Some days it just takes longer coz I may be a lot less sane & a lot more sensitive, but hopefully always keeping my style - after all, I am a married man now!  

"Our Wedding" Teaser Video

http://youtu.be/TQCMDfu0JoQ

Thanks again for visiting my blog & please feel free to leave your comments. I'm looking forward to hearing from you soon. Please spread the word about my blog & follow me. 

"What Matters Most"... You Decide

Who wouldda thought that getting married could make the front page cover story of the newspaper? Well, maybe if they were a celebrity couple, royalty or "reality" stars... but we're not!!! We are just two simple guys with a dream! Did I just say that? Okay, maybe we are not that simple... in fact, there's nothing simple about us. We were lucky enough to have won a contest to meet Barbra Streisand last month & that came at a time in our lives when we really needed a jolt of excitement, so thank you Barbra. 


Trying to adjust to life in Suburbia maybe could have some excitement after all. A full page article "all about us"? How great is that!!! You just gotta try a lot harder out in Suburbia. Excitement comes too easy living in NYC - like that's a problem? No complaints from me on that one as you may know from my previous posts. Here's the link to the story:  http://www.marinij.com/lifestyles/ci_18736256


So the big news is we are returning back "home" to NYC to get married!!! WTF? After 17 years together, we are finally "allowed" to get married! How ironic is that? Anyway, we wouldn't have wanted it any other way... well, actually why is it that we still can't get married here? But, that's another story. More about our NYC Wedding in my next post when I will actually be married! Wow, that's the first time I wrote that!!!


Maybe it was when Barbra wished us luck on our marriage that the good kharma started. Anyway, August 23, 2011 the day our cover story hit the news stands & her new CD was released... Coincidence? You decide, it's all "what matters most".


Thanks again for visiting my blog & please feel free to leave your comments. I'm looking forward to hearing from you soon. Please spread the word, until the next time... 

"The Main Event" - Meeting Barbra STREISAND !!!

So what do you do when you finally get a chance to meet a celebrity you've admired your entire life? I am not a fanatic, but Barbra's career has been important & meaningful to me ever since I can recall! Lines from her movies & songs are a part of my daily vocabulary. "Don't tell me not to live just sit & putter..."

I have a connection to her through her work, since that has been the extent of it. I was never fortunate enough to see (or been able to afford) one of her rare live concerts. We both are from New York & have a similar rhythm that comes from being native New Yorkers. I learned to question things & see things differently because she made me aware of these options at a very young age, so I am forever grateful to her for that. "Papa, can you hear me? Try to understand me..."

Long story short, as you may have read in my previous post, I won a contest through Sony Records to coincide with the release of her latest recording "What Matters Most". It was called The Barbra Streisand Flyaway Sweepstakes & I was chosen to meet Barbra Streisand in Vegas on the set of her latest movie - "My Mother's Curse". There was ONE winner & it was ME!!! OMG! "It's gonna be a great day..."

Sooooooooo, what the hell do you say to an icon when you finally get to meet them? I had a list of things I would say, but I was just overwhelmed with emotion & was not able to do my "checklist". The first glimpse I caught of her is when she appeared on the set. I was about 20 feet away from her & I could not believe I was actually watching Barbra shooting a scene & I was gonna meet her in a few minutes. My armpits were wet, my mouth was dry, my lips were tense & I was doing my deep breathing to help calm me down for what seemed like an eternity. "There are moments you remember all your life. There are moments you wait for and dream of all your life. This is one of those moments..."

During a break in the filming, she looked my way & headed towards me, almost tripping over the velvet rope pointing & saying - "Ohhhhh, you must be the winner!" and she extended her hand towards me. Holy shit!!! She came towards ME & spoke to ME. (And yes her hands were incredibly soft "like butter"). I was almost at a loss for words, which is a first for those of you that know me. I introduced myself & she was "sweet as pie" to me. We talked about her upcoming album, I told her I enjoyed one of the cuts, she asked which one & I hummed a few lines. (I hummed to Barbra)! OMG!!! I wished her Mazel Tov on the success of her yet to be released CD. When I told her that she was my first wedding gift, she looked at me like - whaddya tawkin' 'bout, kid? I explained my partner of many years & I will finally be "allowed" to get married & we were returning to NYC to do it! She in turn wished me lots of luck & said that it was about time & how happy she was for us. She immediately asked her photographer to take our pictures (she was truly excited for us), but he suggested to shoot on the set, since the lighting was better. We walked over to the set together, which was in Caesar's Palace lobby in Las Vegas. I said "Wait a minute, I wanna get my good side". She looked at me & said "Which is your good side"? I said "you tell me, you're the director". She laughed. OMG! I made Barbra Streisand laugh AND congratulate me all within a few minutes. She was so warm, engaging & real. After the photo shoot, she told me to ..."stick around for as long as I want to...". Wow!!! She liked me, she really liked me! But I was thinking -  "Nicky Arnstein, Nicky Arnstein... I'll never see her again." NOT true, I was on & off the set for the rest of the night & was even asked if I wanted to be in a scene taking place at the slot machines (OMG, yesss)! Somewhere in between all that, I had gathered up the courage to ask if I could get some vintage magazines autographed & she not only personally signed them, she signed them in the specific color markers I requested!!! WTF? "Extra, extra I'm in love. I'm gonna thank my lucky stars above..."


At the end of the night, which slowly turned into early morning, I was exhausted. I was leaving the set when Barbra's publicist asked "are you leaving already"? I said it's really late & it was a full day for me, BUT if Barbra wants to have a glass of champagne when she wraps filming, I'll head back downstairs immediately!!! The anticipation, the preparation, the planning, the traveling, the uncertaintly, the meeting, the conversation, the photos, the laughter, all "the memories" made it truly a once in a lifetime experience & I knew that I was extremely lucky. I mean "How lucky can you get?" And as Barbra said in "Yentl"... "Nothing is impossible". She was right... once again!

Thanks for visiting my blog and please leave any comments, suggestions or thoughts about what you've read. If there is anything you'd like to add related to NYC vs Suburbia, please feel free to do so. I'm looking forward to hearing from you soon. Please spread the word. Until our next time...

"Hello Gorgeous" - Nose 2 Nose with Barbra Streisand?

I must have a pretty loud voice because the universe heard me! 

In my previous  blog entry I was complaining (like a good New Yorker does) about the lack of celebrities in Suburbia. Well, a few days ago I received confirmation of a contest I entered. I WON the opportunity to meet one of the greatest stars living today!!! OMG, I am hyperventilating just thinking about it... Barbra Streisand!!! WTF??? This has got to be some sort of kharma! Two New York kids meeting nose to nose in Vegas. (If I had a choice it would've been Brooklyn, but this makes it even more surreal).

Okay, okay. Breathe. What do you wear... what do you say when meeting Barbra? It's not that I never met or had celebrity run ins, but THIS is an actual meeting... she's expecting ME on the set! It's all a bit much to digest, but the reality of it all is starting to settle in. Now I really do feel like a "Suburbanite", a "New Yorker" wouldn't be nervous at all. It's something that happens a lot to New Yorkers... okay maybe not being invited to the set to chat, but walking by a set as they are filming. I guess I still have the New Yorker in me, because I did switch flights & seat assignments already. And of course I'll request photo approval, but other than that... OMG!!!

I feel better being able to share my experience as it's happening, so I can remember the emotions that have been snowballing. Starting with disbelief, increasing anxiety & escalating to being totally psyched!

BTW, Have I complained about never winning the lottery out here in Suburbia??? I said, have I complained about  NEVER winning the lottery out here in Suburbia? Helllooo, are you listening?

Thanks for visiting my blog and please leave any comments, suggestions or thoughts about NYC vs Suburbia. I'm looking forward to hearing from you soon.