The Good, the Bad & the Pretty

Everything's gotta match or coordinate. Is it the control freak in me, my OCD or simply good taste with extremely Gay neurotic overtones? Not sure but either way - that's me.

Bad taste is bad taste... it doesn't matter where - NYC or Suburbia. Things gotta match, or at least fit well. After all we are "Green Acres" Gone Gay! A Hawaiian shirt can look great and always appropriate at a luau or at Trader Joe's. Oversized long shiny poly shorts belong on a basketball court... end of story. Flimsy flip flops are for the beach or hotel bathrooms... definitely never on an airplane! Whatta ya thinking? 

If I were the president I'd make a law that every citizen has gotta have a full length mirror by their front door. This way before they leave their house, they could see the good, the bad or the pretty and perhaps rethink their look!

It may not be everyone's thing, but my clothes gotta match. Am I the only one that coordinates sox jeans and underwear (TMI, I know but true!) I've been known to be late because I give myself that double check in the mirror at least three times. Maybe I have CCC (Consistent Coordinating Compulsion). But the visual doesn't stop there... not for me!

I feel anyone who enjoys eating has gotta enjoy the total dining experience. This includes lighting (think dimmers and candles). You can have the most beautiful, tasty dinner but serve it with bright overhead lighting and the food will look bad - not to mention the faces around the table! If you're smart enough to install dimmers... use them, damnit! And if you're one of the few lucky city dwellers (or the majority of suburban dwellers) with an outside space... eat out there! It can be beautiful, magical and romantic. When you have guests, they'll love it and always remember it. Backyards ain't just for grilling hot dogs, burgers and steaks in the afternoon on weekends.

Somethings never change, but no matter where I live and what I eat (even when it's takeout) my table looks damn good. As long as I can remember I gotta coordinate everything on the table. And music (not TV) has always been an essential part of the picture, there are five senses after all. You could be eating a hotdog, but why not not eat it in a beautiful relaxing atmosphere? 

I'm not saying that my way is the only way (cuz it is) or that I'm better (cuz I'm not). My point is I know I may be a bit compulsive but I still gotta laugh at myself sometimes... remember I may have CCC. There's always a good, a bad or a pretty... so why not stick to the pretty as we give a final look in the mirror before walking out the front door.

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Camping Out or Flying Coach? Roughing It

Talk about two different worlds... remember I'm from NYC and Douglass is from Suburbia, think of the old sitcom "Green Acres" gone Gay. Our Green GAYcres story continues...


The Past:
Growing up in the city I never went camping. My mother would threaten me when I was bad that I'd be sent to camp! Well needless to say I was a perfect child, coz I was not about to venture out into the throngs of the wild. My summers were filled with days of playing in the streets, sitting on the stoop and singing along to my records. (Yes, records... pre CD's)

Dougie Climbing a Tree

Enter Douglass... a complete contrast.

Growing up in suburbia, Douglass was always climbing trees, cardboard sliding down the hills and playing outdoors... in nature. OMG, he even went camping as a kid AND liked it! Once he was chased by a deer and had to hide up in a tree until the deer left and he still laughs about it. Really? I would've moved right then and there!

The Present:
When anyone asks me if I wanna go camping, I look at them as if they're crazy. Then I wonder if I misbehaved and was gonna be sent to camp as a punishment. Holy sh*t, whatta flashback! My answer is consistent... "Me go camping? Flying coach is as close to camping as I can get."

Camping Out Waiting for a Flight in Coach

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You Are Too Funny

"You are too funny". Is this comment a compliment, a put down or merely something someone says when they feel a "need" to respond or don't know "how" to respond?

I find it ridiculous. I crack myself up whenever I hear someone use that phrase. I'd like to think of myself as funny... probably not "2 funny", but funny enough to maintain a certain level of intelligence. And just a wee bit of un PC humor, bad taste about farts & other bodily functions thrown in to make me a well rounded individual. Not 2 well rounded, coz that would just make me 2 fat. OMG, I'm 2 funny... or did I go 2 far?

Douglass & I have both been called:

2 funny,
2 much,
2 of a kind,
2 old,
2 young,
2 fat,
2 thin,
2 gay,
2 fabulous,
2 colorful,
2 neurotic...

The list goes on & on but it's just 2 much for the 2 of us 2 handle.

I love to laugh & it continues to get me through a lot of "stuff". I'm very thankful for laughter & for my sick sense humor - you will never hear me say to anyone "You are 2 funny". So lemme have it & bring it on. Make my face hurt, my stomach ache & watch me double over in half as I wet my pants from laughing 2 much!

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Happiness ... look no further than your own backyard

Old, but new... I love New York City, this is not news to many of you. But what I discovered about myself this time ( just like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz ) is that happiness can be found in your own back yard, or in my case within myself.

On my most recent trip to NYC, I put "my expectations" on people & as a result was feeling sad & let down by them. It's the same expectations that I put on many in Suburbia. I guess the problem lies within me... NOT where I am. I get disappointed all the time & nothing's ever good enough. Maybe it's all about control - think Barbra Streisand writing, directing & acting! It gets frustrating & overwhelming.

Sometimes ya just gotta stand back & look at the big picture & figure out what's most important. I always thought friends & family were the most important thing for me but I hardly ever got back the same effort I put out. I constantly set myself up for disappointment. Now my priorities have changed & I'm realizing that "I Am My Own Best Friend".

Suburbia can be too quiet, with too many bugs, too many animals, too few friends, too many restaurants that close too early & of course too much driving. But NYC can be too noisy, too smelly, too hot, too humid, too cold & always has too much damn construction! WTF? Yes, it's true I finally said something negative about NYC.

My inability to be happy lies within me & NOT where I live. Ain't nothing gonna make me happy but me! At least I didn't have to get caught in a twister to find that out, but the last few years have felt like I've been hit hard by a hurricane.

I don't have sequined shoes (yet) but I do have red high top sneakers & they are very worn out from clicking my heels too often. Don't get me wrong, I love the freedom, the flexibility & the heart of NYC, but it's just getting more challenging to meet up with friends or family. Maybe it's their obsession with their jobs, or the fact that some have children, or that others have become too inflexible to make any plans.

Well, it is what it is & "I Am What I Am" (yes I'm quoting Broadway show tunes again). Just like Pippin, I'm still trying to find my "Corner of the Sky" & realize "Day by Day" that I never needed to look any further than my own back yard... wherever the hell that is!

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Do You Believe in Love?

We were ecstatic to be a part of The Stonewall Rally... it was a truly memorable day for all of us in NYC. The rally was held outside of The Stonewall Inn - the landmark bar where The Gay Rights Movement began. Edith Windsor (the lesbian who took on DOMA) gave a touching & powerful speech as the crowd cheered. Love was in the air on this hot, humid historic day. The streets were filled with a diverse crowd celebrating with signs, flags, big smiles, hugs & tears. There were news reporters, photographers & a sea of people all wanting to capture & relish this special moment.

It's so ironic for us that The Marriage Equality Act was passed in NY when we were in CA & that California's Prop 8 was struck down when we were in NYC ! What's that about?

Outside of The Stonewall Inn

Either way, the fact remains that DOMA was overturned on Wednesday 6/26/13 & that it is a federal ruling. We are now "all equal" - so why don't I believe it? We know that this may drag out (no pun intended) & get flack (I'm not talking Roberta). I won't get too tacky, but a governor from across the Hudson already started opening his fat mouth filled with moronic statements.

The local newspaper called to ask us for our reaction to the ruling for their story. I said "...it took a long time for people to realize the world wasn't flat also..." and my husband said "we are finally just 'as good' as everyone else..."

The Rally on Christopher Street

How great that the decision happens to coincide with NYC's Gay Pride celebration & whatta extra special celebration it will be this year! It's so perfect that Cher (one of the gayest icons) will be performing at this year's NYC Pride Dance on the Pier. So yes, Cher we do "Believe" &  "Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus."

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Breaking it Down

Douglass & I want to keep you updated with what is going on in our Suburban life or our "Green GAYcres" as we refer to it.

Whatta week it was! We were interviewed by the newspaper for an article about Marriage Equality, since this is a timely issue especially for California. We were a little nervous about being OUT there, but felt the need to help break down stereotypes & hopefully broaden some peoples minds who can't think outside the box. We're assuming you know the world is not all black & white, there are millions of shades of grey & don't forget that ever present rainbow!

Douglass & I were very excited to be asked back again this year to the annual Women's Power Strategy Conference, the brainchild of Patricia V. Davis. Last year I was a guest blogger & this year we were both speakers on a panel. The panel was called "Gay Like Me" a conversation about breaking down stereotypes. At first we thought it would be like a crash course in Gay 101 for the audience but of course it wasn't that at all. It was funny to think of it that way & we had our Gay checklist all ready to go. At the conference, we were also surprised & honored to receive an award for our work as advocates for Alzheimer's & Caregivers through our blog Dementia-Mama-Drama along with our role of helping break down Gay stereotypes.

It was interesting to see how everyone on the panel was "normal" - no stereotypes here. None of us had horrendous or dramatic stories of growing up Gay & coming out. Just goes to show you that you can be caregivers for a parent with Alzheimer's (as we were) or raise your wife's children (as if you gave birth to them yourself) like Sally Kuhlman or Cynthi Stefenoni & send them off to college just like everybody else... Straight or Gay.

For two years I thought, what were men doing at a women's conference? Once again stereotypes & agendas were not relevant. When you break it down, we are all the same & we can all benefit from some positive reinforcement. There were some great panels we were able to attend such as "Making Stress Work for You" with  Mary O'Neill , "YouTube & Your Brand" with Laura Berg, "Owning Your Story, Shaping Your Public Image" with Lorna Garano & of course the inspirational keynote speaker Zakiya Mackey who is the Internship Program Coordinator at Girls Inc. & a filmmaker!

So here we are in Suburbia sharing our lives with the world & what better time to do it then during Gay Pride month. Gay Pride a time to remember that we're not all drag queens, leather daddies or dykes on bikes. There are many types of us GLBT(XYZ) people & we cannot be put in one category, except maybe one... Fabulous!

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Happy Birthday Judy Garland... or Was that Mama ?

I couldn't let today go by without acknowledging Judy Garland's birthday. I thought I would finally out myself & come clean. Growing up, I always thought that Judy Garland was my mother. Okay, I'll give you the back story.

As a child my parents had many Judy Garland albums & listened to them often. I loved them, even though I only knew her from "The Wizard of Oz". But I somehow always felt a strong connection to her & that voice. When I found out that my brother had a different mother from my father's first marriage, I assumed I had a different mother too. It had to be Judy Garland, that would explain it. I started singing like her & began to wear out my parents albums. I would play the albums singing at the top of my lungs with our front door open & my Carnegie Hall was the echo in the hallway of the apartment building. I'd go to bed at night & try to stay awake when my parents had company, because I thought Judy & my half sister, Liza would be visiting. (They never showed up... this went on for years).

My mother had always said to me as a child that I was a "miracle baby". She & my father wanted to have a child, but she had trouble getting pregnant. She'd tell me that she'd go to church, light candles, say novenas & pray for a child. One night, after many years of trying, she awoke from sleeping on the couch watching television (maybe that's why I wasn't born sooner). She told me she had a vision of the Virgin Mary. It was a sign & my mother knew she'd soon have a child. I was born late in Mama's life, I was definitely the "miracle child".

I would sing "Over the Rainbow" in kindergarten, so maybe it wasn't that outrageous that I assumed Judy Garland was my "real" mother for many years. Happy Birthday Mama... I mean Judy.

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Green GAYcres

Since starting "nyc2suburbia" I've talked about my transition of moving from NYC to Suburbia. "My Suburbia" is in Northern California, so it's not just a transition to Suburbia (I did live in the burbs back East for a few years) but also a transition to the West Coast. For me, the move has been an overwhelming culture shock as you may know from my posts & many complaints. (Yes, I'm admitting that I like to complain).

I've never intended to "put down" Suburban life, just express my feelings about how I prefer city life. Unfortunately, I haven't "embraced" all Suburbia has to offer & I know it. Simply put I am not a "nature" person... that just ain't me. I don't like camping, hikes or hugging trees. Grant it, I've "camped" ever since I can remember, I've been told to "take a hike" by many & the closest I've come to "hugging a tree" in NY was when I was forced to relieve myself in public by a tree! (Too much info, oh well - that's me). I do appreciate & enjoy the beauty here in California, but I'm a city guy, what can I say? I'm a night person, I'm a people person. I need diversity, fast wit, subways & buses or any form of public transportation. I cannot stand the PC mentality out here!!! WTF? I've noticed a definite delay in audience reactions when attending theatre or even when seeing comedians perform. Whatever happened to laughing out loud when something was soooo bad, distasteful or just too damn funny whether it was PC or not? Gimme a f*cking break!

Before moving cross country I had the stereotypical idea of living in California most NYers have... sunshine, beaches, palm trees & a hip vibe. Oh well, living here burst that bubble, baby! There are seasons, there aren't many palm trees & "hip" just ain't happening here in Suburbia. Restaurants close at ungodly early hours & being "natural" is taken to the extreme... hello hair color anyone? Phewww, okay I obviously still have some issues, but at least I own a mirror or two!

I'm adding another layer to "nyc2suburbia" with a different twist. You see I am from NYC & my husband is from Suburbia, we basically moved back to his hometown (for now) so it has come full circle for him. Fortunately he shares my love of city life & also misses NYC. I'll tell ya about the both of us growing up in two totally different worlds. It will hopefully make you laugh when you understand the difference between us & yet the similarities that we share. Think of it as the old sitcom "Green Acres" gone Gay - "Green GAYcres". This idea of our life as "Green GAYcres" has helped keep me "sane" since moving here & please no comments about my level of sanity...

If you receive the blog by email you may be unable to view the video below. It's a short intro of Green Acres, here's the link: http://youtu.be/DrbPAt1_vc4

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